After the implementation of the “double reduction” policy, parents need to adjust their mentality


It has been a semester since the implementation of the “double reduction” policy. If school is the main front of education during the school period, the main front will naturally be transferred to the family during the holidays.As the first winter holiday after the reform, this holiday has a unique significance.How can parents re-understand their responsibilities in “double reduction” to accompany their children’s all-round development and healthy growth?Since the implementation of the “double cut” policy, children have less homework and less discipline training outside school, and more free time after school.Many parents are relieved that they don’t need to be “wrapped up” by others, which can be a bit more liberating both financially and mentally.Some parents are more anxious, worrying about whether their children will slack off if homework is reduced, and worrying that more supervision will lead to more parent-child conflicts.These over-anxious parents may fail to understand the essence of “double reduction”. On the surface, it is to reduce students’ academic burden and families’ economic burden, but in essence, it is to build a good education ecology, fulfill the fundamental task of moral education, and promote children’s all-round development and healthy growth.As parents, we reduce stress rather than responsibility.Parents are children’s first teachers and important others in their development.”Who to train, how to train people, for whom to train people” is not only educators to think about the problem, but also parents to think about the problem.The success of family education, the child result really not how good, position, how high, how his possessions, such as external factors, but his love life, love life, to be able to in depth within the scope of self management, to adapt to the environment, take responsibility, of course, this need more parents set up the correct education idea, grasp the scientific education methods,It is not only the purpose of “double minus”, but also the most valuable gift parents can give their children to benefit from life.Everyone has the need to belong. Children need to be accepted by people and belong to the family they belong to in the early years.A person’s early childhood can form a safe mother-infant attachment relationship, will have a certain impact on the child’s personality.At school, children are assigned to classes and peer groups.Good interpersonal relationships not only meet children’s belongingness needs, but also improve their ability to resist setbacks, make children more healthy and active, dare to meet challenges, and love life more.The World Education Innovation Summit (WISE) and the China Education Innovation Institute of Beijing Normal University jointly released the research report “Facing the Future: Global Experience of Core Literacy Education in the 21st Century”.The report analyzes the 21st century core literacy frameworks of 24 economies, including China, and five international organizations.The results showed that communication and cooperation topped the list of seven qualities most valued by economies and international organizations.The ability to communicate and cooperate well is not only an important factor for one’s happiness, but also the most important ability the world will need to possess in the future.A Harvard University study has proved that the keys to happiness in life are love, warmth and close relationships.A person with good interpersonal relationship may choose to make a joke on himself, sweat out with friends, and accept comfort and encouragement from family when facing setbacks. These “coping methods” can help a person quickly enter a healthy and exciting virtuous cycle.On the other hand, a person without social support often has no help and needs to heal himself or herself when he or she encounters setbacks.Parents should encourage their children to communicate with others on an equal basis and learn to express, listen and empathize with each other.In the process of interaction with people, increase their sense of value, efficacy and meaning, and improve their positive emotions.In the face of the “double minus” children, some parents are very anxious, worried that children will not manage their time, play, bad learning will affect the future, playing mobile phones or watching TV will be addicted, which makes parents worried.So, repeatedly remind, repeatedly charged, nagging, wish to be like a helicopter, always hovering above the child, observation, supervision, guidance, all-round control of the child.Parents are tired and their children grumble.Behind many parents’ worries, the parents’ care and love for their children on the surface, but in fact, they are not at ease and distrust of their children.Parents can let their children participate in family activities, so that the children fully feel that they are part of the family, the community, and assume their own responsibility.First, give your child the freedom to make small decisions and then expand the range of possible decisions.As a child grows older and more capable, parents can make him complete more difficult tasks, thus giving the child a sense of self-efficacy for completing the task.Once the child feels capable of handling problems, he internalizes the belief that he is a competent and trustworthy person.This belief will push him to become that person, more confident and disciplined.Of course, giving children space does not mean that parents turn their backs on their children when they face frustration, conflict and pain.At this time, parents should stand beside their children in time, give their children specific guidance and help, help children through difficulties.Children who are trusted by their parents have the courage to face challenges, manage themselves and take responsibility.Undoubtedly, this is the most precious spiritual wealth parents give their children.Three, appropriate to let go, give children a sense of success “double minus”, children have more independent choice, their own time, which requires more children have their own management ability.Modern society changes faster, more and more uncertainty, more need children to have their own problem discovery, analysis, problem solving and self-decision-making ability.These abilities will not come into being, but need to be strengthened and cultivated in the process of continuous practice.Because only by trying can you succeed.And if you try, you can’t avoid making mistakes.Children are children, and sometimes good things don’t always end well.For example, the first time a child cooks, it may not be good, parents should also actively encourage and affirm his efforts, so that he will have a positive emotional experience, the next time will continue to cook.Otherwise, a blow, and he might never walk into the kitchen again.Parents should encourage positivity, not blame it, and put out positive fires.Every child has its own advantages and disadvantages. Parents should learn to let go moderately and exit gracefully, so as to cultivate their children’s psychological quality and psychological flexibility, hone their ability to withstand failure and setbacks, and have more ability to deal with uncertainties and challenges.Especially for adolescent children, they want to be independent psychologically, but they also want to be understood and supported by their parents.Parents should watch their children grow and maintain a “progressive” relationship, with me when needed and far attention when not needed.Those excessive intervention and control on the grounds of anxiety are essentially parents who do not believe in the ability of children, do not accept the imperfections of a growing child, and deprive children of the opportunity to grow up independently, exercise and improve, and take responsibility for themselves, which is essentially hindering the growth of children.Let children gradually have the ability to face challenges independently, is the most sincere, warm and wisdom of love.Love without limits itself is set on the child’s body shackles, will one day let the child breathless.Four, manage emotions, give children enough sense of security Parental emotional stability, family harmony, give children unconditional love, no matter whether “double minus”, are children’s sense of security, belonging, sense of value, but also their sound personality, good adaptation, the basis of a happy life.Especially when the child is young, his self-awareness is not mature, parents are his world, is to see their own appearance from the eyes of their parents.If parents do not control their emotions well and show some too extreme reactions in front of their children, they will cause psychological trauma to the children, and they are likely to form some post-traumatic stress disorder in the future life, and even develop into personality disorder.Even if it’s not a traumatic experience, parents often lose control of their emotions because of work pressures, relationships, family disputes, or because they perceive their children as disruptive or unlearning.In fact, this is the parents of their own pressure, helplessness and anger transferred to their children, making them a scapegoat and emotional garbage collection station.These traumatic experiences will affect the formation of children’s psychological functions, lack of security and sense of value, dare not have their own ideas, fear, always worried about being abandoned by others, always worried about their mistakes, dare not establish intimate relationships.Of course, controlling your emotions doesn’t mean you don’t have them.When emotions occur, parents should regulate their emotions in a reasonable way and not be slaves to them.For example, self-reminder, with the help of inner language to remind themselves, such as “impulse is the devil” “to calm down” “angry does not solve the problem” and so on.There will be a delay in the explosion of passion, such as before you want to get angry, do abdominal breathing several times, passion will calm down a lot.Also can talk through, movement, cognitive adjustment, transfer attention and other ways, so that their emotions in a controllable range, and can not transfer their emotions to the family is the weakest, most no resistance to the child.Controlling your emotions is a required course for parents, but also the best gift parents can give their children.As the saying goes, a good medicine tastes bitter to the mouth, while good advice that is unpleasant to the ear benefits behavior.As a psychology teacher for many years, and in contact with many students who come to consult, I have a different understanding of this sentence.Parents want their children to be successful, but their good intentions may cause pressure on their children, hurt their self-esteem, and then affect parent-child relationship, resulting in resistance, and the educational effect is out of the question.In fact, everyone has a desire to achieve success, to be encouraged and appreciated.Those who do not care about the surface of the children, most because has been unable to get a sense of achievement from the interaction with their parents, unable to get a successful experience, the surface does not care to cover up the helpless maintenance of self-esteem, since I “do not care”, not recognition is not sad.Pleasurable experiences increase the frequency of actions and are the cause of many interests.When parents’ criticism of children does not work, positive reinforcement can be adopted to change the original focus on negative behavior into positive behavior, turn the original accusations and complaints of problems into a kind of affirmation and expectation of good behavior, and praise those behaviors that we hope him to appear.With praise and positive emotional experience, children are willing to do this. With the increasing positive behavior of children, his sense of self-worth and self-efficacy will continue to improve.Once the upward and good power of the individual heart is stimulated, there will be a certain butterfly effect, good behaviors continue to happen, and bad behaviors continue to decrease.Parents in dedication, highly responsible for students at the same time, also must consciously pay attention to your way, looking for them, to candid advice that may be unpleasant to the ear into positive expectations and trust, not only can avoid the parent-child conflicts, can create a warm and harmonious psychological compatibility, empathy, parent-child relationship, so the education effect of positive and effective.Six, reasonable expectations, to avoid too much frustration love children need to be appropriate, expectations are also measured and measured.Some parents too demanding for children, especially after “ShuangJian”, saw children do has nothing to do with learning and try so hard, always feel lack, saw the children to play with mobile phones or watching TV, the in the mind is suppressed want to temper, total hope children can immediately self-management, self-discipline, to that end, there is little or not praise, almost certainly the child,Sometimes, even though they know the child has done a good job, they are afraid that praise will make the child proud, so they will show dissatisfaction with the child, or even discourage and belittle the child.Parents hope to inspire their children to develop better through their strict education, which is high expectation and low trust for their children, and it is utilitarian and short-sighted.Once a child internalizes his parents’ belittling and harsh criticism, he will think that he is not good, not hard, not sensible, delay, such a child will be cautious, lack of security, low self-esteem, low sense of value.Because they feel that they are not good enough and do not dare to communicate with others, they seem to withdraw and withdraw in the crowd.Even more afraid to share your needs and desires with others because you feel unworthy and undeserving.By adolescence some children may still be conditioned to agree with their parents’ belittling comments, to believe more that they are not good enough and to experience more feelings of frustration, helplessness and hopelessness.There are some children have a certain self development, there will be psychological, language and behavior of resistance, negative work, perfunctory, quarrel, and even physical collision.There is a more serious resistance, is self-attack, children have no way to the parents of dissatisfaction, complaints and not recognized grievance, pain expression, only to vent to their own, so self-harm, depression, the body of all kinds of discomfort will be shown, causing some psychological problems.A student who did not want to go to school came to consult him. He said that no matter what he did, he always failed to meet his parents’ requirements. He felt useless and incapable, just a person who added trouble and burden to his parents, and was simply a burden to the family.How can a child who lacks a sense of worth and security and is barren inside have the strength to develop a better self?Self-esteem is the spiritual pillar of a person’s growth, the cornerstone of good, but also the internal power of self development.Parents treat their children from the perspective of development, discover their advantages, encourage and affirm them, improve their self-esteem, self-confidence and self-efficacy, and be able to adapt to different environments and work and live peacefully, which is the foundation for the happiness and health of children’s life.(The author is from Xinghua Middle School, Daxing District, Beijing

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